Wednesday 11 February 2009

Figment


No, I didn’t imagine it. This is what I found halfway through my packet of figs.
I realise it’s not broken glass or razor blades, and there wasn’t a huge risk that I’d put it into my mouth and break a tooth. (Even I’m not such a speed eater that my fingers didn’t have time to register the difference between smooth/dense and sticky/wrinkled.) But still, I mean to say. I definitely felt less than well at the thought and (imagined?) taste of rust and engine grease. Not sick enough to rush frothy-mouthed to Emergency or Fair Trading. But distinctly off-colour.
Once over my slight queasy shock, I wondered what to do. If anything. I could hardly claim physical or mental distress. I doubt “mild momentary nausea” would justify compensatory millions. But I felt that someone should know. If only for the smug altruism of helping protect fellow figgy shoppers from such unpleasantness. And what if a vast and complex packing conveyer somewhere was about to fall catastrophically apart? I hastened to my local supermarket’s website and fedback.
We’ll see what happens. I’ll either be able to glow with self-righteous indignation if ignored, or bask in grovelling thanks and apologies. And I might even deign to accept some small token of contrition.
Flex that consumer muscle!

3 comments:

Autolycus said...

The only problem as I see it is that you will likely get some more figs. But presumably you like them.....

Bigdave said...

I think you should start an online competition to see what other people have found in said packets of figs and hopefully work out what the actual piece of machinery once was. You might get a car out of it! Or a least a conveyor belt.

Unknown said...

I think it looks more appetising than the figs personally ;)